Most of you might think that Musty is as hard-bitten as your average Diageo board member. And for 51 weeks of the year you'd be right. But come Valentines Day even the arch cynic's brain turns to thoughts of love, fluffy teddy bears and a strong Tanqueray Martini served off the six-pack stomach of a well-hung young buck.

So this year, Musty has opened up her page to the lonely, the romantic and the plain desperate. And if just one of them finds love as a result, then this whole column will have been worthwhile. Replies to

Ladies and Gentlemen, the drinks world's first Lonely Hearts Column!

Ciderman seeks web of love!
I'm a spendthrift, disorganised CEO, recently divorced. You're a low-maintenance company that doesn't bother over much about references. Be the apple of my eye and I'll put the bubbles in your board meeting! GSOH essential - especially when listening to my strategy briefings.
Nautical but nice
Yo ho ho and a bottle of Gold. RTD rum recently ditched by uncaring suitor seeks a sympathetic shoulder to cry on and decent distribution.
Be my big-boy love toy!
Top-heavy beauty, big in the Bristols area, and with sizable assets seeks similar for global domination. Likes painting over-rosy pictures and buying up New Zealand wineries. Dislikes time wasting big companies that say they'll call you in the morning but then leave you hanging on like a lemon with millions in the bank and nothing to spend it on but gallons of Kiwi Sauvignon Blanc.
Rough 'n' ready
Coarse, fiery spirit looking for sweet novelty partner for raunchy two in a bottle action. Utterly meaningless relationship. No cream liqueurs please.
Wild Boer looking for side-dish
If brandy makes you randy, then I'm the king of the Cape ! Following end of relationship with South African state, this old boy wants to get out there and party! Call me for fun, sun and tons of Chenin. Growers need not apply.
Strip my assets!
Submissive Californian winery seeks dominant investor for lessons in tough love!
Russian brides
Genuine clear-complexioned Russian looking for sympathetic distillery in new country following unfair expulsion. Not much to look at, but a good cleaner.
Brandy for Brothas
Fancy a drop of the dark stuff? Call the Cognac XXXO hotline for all your spirit needs.
Treat me rough!
Beat me! Sack me! Talk dirty to me! Tell me I've been a bad boy and must be punished. Drop my margins and give my Rosemounted backside a good spanking. Reply to Keith. PO Box 1937, Adelaide