In a homage to Bridget Jones, (aka Miss Big-Pants-and-Chardonnay), Musty has decided to leap on the bandwagon and release this month's column as a diary. As well as providing her adoring fans with a thrilling insight into life chez Musty, she also hopes to attract a lucrative advance for a Tales From The Spit Bucket novel and six-figure advance for the film rights.